I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
