i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
