How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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