he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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