i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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