Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
