are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
