You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
