nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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