i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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