why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
