Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
A bitchslap is in order.
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