When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
