You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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