Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
