Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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