You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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