real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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