I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
