hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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