Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
