I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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