I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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