I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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