There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
