You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
