Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
