just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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