my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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