Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
