Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
