Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
