dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
