Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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