Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize