does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
