Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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