I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
