i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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