is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
