The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
