That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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