I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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