my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
