He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
