How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
