Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
