my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
