Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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