it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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