can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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