wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
