where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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