I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
