he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize