I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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