end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
