Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
