I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
