I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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