The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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