You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
