wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
