Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Damn victory sex feels great
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