i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
