I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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