He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
